ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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