Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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