I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
