your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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