I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
