Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
