HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Your penis caused this!
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