She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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