I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize