RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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