Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
