We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
