my vag is so smooth its legendary
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
