I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
