This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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