what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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