I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
