he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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