your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
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