tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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