I'm so fucking centered right now
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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