hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You took a bar mat shot.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Randomize
