Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
