who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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