I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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