For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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