yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
