pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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