wat bout pragnant strippers??
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
