i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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