your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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