Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
