Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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