somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
