After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
