I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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