I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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