I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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