He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
