My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize