I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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