Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize