I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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