i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
