I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
