I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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