Please, let me fuck your mom
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
