Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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