We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
