I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
