So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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