I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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