my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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