sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize