i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
