Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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