I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
