My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
