Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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