are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
