Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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