I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize