loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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