return my video game
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
