Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
