I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
