i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
A+ Viking dick
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
