Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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