if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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