Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
