I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
