Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My dick has a subreddit
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
