oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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