mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
