My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
