you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
