so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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