I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
