you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
