Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize