New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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