I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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