I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
