Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
