i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
