pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
