I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The ass gains better be worth it
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