i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize