Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
