Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
