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Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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