all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
