hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
