that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
