Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
