Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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