OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
