too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
