Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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