He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
