I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
