i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I lost the right to judge tonight
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
